Even though I don’t know exactly who you’ll be yet, I think of you often. I wonder how you are living your life now. It matters to me, you know, because how you live your life now determines the kind of man you are becoming… And the kind of man I will spend the rest of my life with. It seems rather strange to us women, that guys think that having sex proves that you are a man. To us, it just proves that you have reached puberty. Becoming a man is a much more complicated process.
The funny thing is, in this day in age, most guys want to marry a girl who respects her sexuality. A guy doesn’t like the idea of his future wife in the back-seat with someone else, or of her being the subject of a sexual conquest story in the locker room. They’ll brag about girls like that, but they won’t marry them. They want to marry a girl who recognizes that sex speaks the language of forever, committed love….. Someone like me.
But why would I want to marry someone like that…. Someone who wants to marry a virgin, but spends his dating years robbing other girls of their virginity so that he can prove his manhood? He’s not a “real man” in my eyes- he is a selfish, immature boy driven by insecurity, not love.
I want more from you. I want you to respect your sexuality as much as I respect mine. I want you to be a real confident man, not a wimp who has to use women to feed his insecurity. A guy like that may be “good” in bed, but he is not good at loving. I want you to learn to really love. Learning to love is learning to put others first. He is using a girl… speaking the “body language” of permanent commitment when the relationship isn’t permanent. He is putting the girl at the risk of pregnancy. And he is putting himself at the risk for some nasty diseases… diseases that he can then give to his wife. That’s not making love. A real man loves women- and wants what’s best for them. And he doesn’t let his desires control his actions. He controls his desires instead.
I want to develop self-control. I don’t want to marry a man who can’t control himself. Men like that make lousy husbands. A guy who isn’t going to say “no” to sex isn’t going to be any better at 40 than he was at 18. Society tells you that you are missing out on your “sexual peak.” You may have heard from the girls you date that something might be “wrong” with you because you won’t take them to bed. Deep down you must know that having sex won’t prove you’re a man. It’s just irritating that no one else seems to know it, isn’t it?
But someone else knows it. I know it. And in the end, I’m the only someone who matters. And no, I am not as narrow-minded as those guys who say they’ll marry a virgin. Society isn’t so supportive of virginity, especially male virginity. I can forgive mistakes in your past. But am interested in your future, starting now. When I meet you, I want you to be a man who has made a conscious decision to wait. … Out of love for our future family and commitment to our marriage. And I want you to be a real man, who has developed the control, maturity and unselfishness that waiting brings. They will make you a better husband and a better father. To me, that’s sexy.
I have abstained from sex all these years, and it hasn’t been for the lack of offers. I have had plenty of opportunities , and saying “no” hasn’t always been easy. I am sure it’s not always easy for you, either. But it will make our marriage much stronger. Sex will be our gift to each other, our exclusive “language”. It will belong to us, not “us and everyone else we ever dated”.
Thanks for waiting for me; I promise you won’t regret it.
Author Unknown: (courtesy of icl)
Derived from: THE CHRISTIAN STUDENT ISSUE 1
A PRODUCTION OF MAIN CAMPUS CHRISTIAN UNION, UNIVERSITY OF NAIROBI.